Everybody with Social Anxiety Symptoms will focus all their thoughts and feelings on how they feel in order to feel better or in this case more comfortable. If you also have Social Anxiety Symptoms you need to focus outward. And this can be as simple as noticing what is going on around you as opposed to how you feel about what’s going on around you.
In a new situation, you will automatically focus inward. What I mean is that a new situation will and can make you feel so overwhelmed that all your thoughts focused on the inside of you and how you are feeling. And this is the biggest mistake that someone with such anxiety can make. Well I say mistake it’s not really a mistake it is an automatic reaction to a stressful situation.
- Positive inner self-talk is your path to reducing your anxiety
- New situations will make you feel anxious but that doesn’t mean you should avoid these situations
- Your feelings can never ever hurt you, but you can convince yourself that they will
- Four steps are all you need to reduce your anxiety in social situations and calm your physical symptoms.
Step 1: Simple things to do to focus your attention outward
- This simplest things you can do is
- Count the number of people that are around you
- Notice how many different colours are in the environment
- How many people have blue eyes?
- How many people have red hair?
- What do you think others do for a living?
- What fun thing have you done in the past that this event reminds you of?
- The list is numerous and when you do this you will notice your anxiety falling.
Step 2: Note how you feel.
After you have focused your attention on some objects outside if you, you will start to feel more comfortable. And the reason is that your mind cannot focus on feelings as well as on something outside of you at the same time. And this is the great thing about how our minds work.
So note how you feel both before you focus away and after and especially notice what makes you calm down so you can use this again.
Step 3: Cultivate positive inner self-talk
Once you start to feel more comfortable, which you will, all you have to do is make sure that whenever a thought or feeling arises that makes you feel uncomfortable say this to yourself.
“Putting my anxious feelings to one side for a moment, what’s going on outside of me at this moment in time?”
By saying this and repeating it over and over you will train your feelings to not overwhelm you. And this is how you can make yourself feel better by cultivating inner self-talk. As long as you say something like the above using phrases such as:
- Aside from how I’m feeling at the moment…
- Putting my feelings to one side for a minute…
- Apart from what I’m feeling, what else is going on that I can focus on?
- You will start to feel better.
And you’ll also notice is that by using those kinds of the word your mind will see that as a command and automatically lower your anxiousness. Now I know that sounds slightly strange but try it and you will surprise yourself just how much you are able to control your feelings. Some natural remedy also can make you calm
Step 4: Rinse and repeat.
Basically, all you need to do now is keep doing the same thing over and over and over and over again, which is basically what you’ve been doing anyway when you make yourself feel anxious, but this time you going to do something that allows you to feel better and more comfortable.
The simplest strategies can be the best
So that’s it really, feeling comfortable in a new situation in the short term is about getting you to focus out from yourself onto anything in the environment. It can feel counterintuitive because fear will make you believe that the situation itself is causing the anxiety inside you and make you want to avoid it in some way. But by actually focusing outside of how you’re feeling, you are allowing yourself breathing space to react in a different way, which is exactly what you need to calm yourself down and feel more comfortable.
Once you’ve done this you are then able to consciously decide what you want to do next. you can read The Three Worst Ways to Cope With The Physical Symptoms of Anxiety
Things to remember.
- Your feelings cannot ever, ever, ever, ever hurt you.
- Your feelings are messages from your unconscious mind telling you that you need to meet your needs in some way but this is not to avoid the situation in which the anxiety occurred.
- Avoiding situations that make you feel fearful will make you feel more insecure and less able to feel comfortable in new situations.
- By facing your fears one step at a time, you will send a signal to yourself unconsciously, that you are strong enough to cope with new situations.
- If you take action doing the above steps you will reduce your anxiety and build more confidence
This is extremely important to realize because when you get this you’ll understand that your automatic reactions to new situations is an unconscious act and not a conscious act. So no amount of beating yourself for telling yourself you’re no good or wondering why you’re not able to do things is going to change how you feel in a new situation, but doing the above steps will.