In a new situation and the biggest issue for someone with a social anxiety disorder is fear. The fear of the unknown fear is what other people will think of the fear associated with making new friends the fear of not fitting. And the fear that you won’t be able to handle anything bad that may happen to you.
And this is the issue with how to feel comfortable in the new situation, you rarely feel safe and secure and because of your lack of confidence in your ability to handle whatever may happen to you, you will focus so much on your discomfort, you end up creating your level of uncomfortableness in a new situation.
What you need to think about social anxiety disorder?
- What is it that I learned from past experiences that will allow me to handle this one?
- What is the biggest fear of my ability to cope that I have in this new situation?
- Who can help support me as I go through this new situation?
When you are in a new situation the biggest gift you can give to yourself is to be aware that whatever you’re thinking about you will be wrong.
What I mean is that you will automatically think that you are doing something wrong that people don’t like you that you won’t fit in or that you’re not going to enjoy it, and because of this, you will not feel relaxed or confident or able to be yourself in a new situation.
Given the above as being true, realize that it is not, repeat not, the situation that is making new feel anxious or awkward. As much as it can seem that how you feel is coming from the situation you’re in, it is actually your perception of you in that situation that is dictating how you feel about it.
And this is the problem with having social anxiety because no matter how much you know intellectually that a situation cannot harm you, that people may like you, depending on how severe your level of anxiety, you will believe that it’s a situation that is causing you to feel that.
The first thing is to acknowledge that you will be creating your feelings in that new situation besides social anxiety disorder.
This is crucial, because once you say to yourself:
“I am creating my feelings in this situation”
And you repeat this over and over, the next thing you can say to yourself is
“How can I create better feelings for myself in this situation?” and repeat that until you get an empowering answer.
And as hard as that may seem when you’re overwhelmed with so many feelings in a new situation, this is the reality of how you are going to help yourself to feel more comfortable when you’re in a new situation.
What to watch out for in a new situation?
- A new situation will make you feel more anxious.
- A new situation will make you focus on your insecurities.
- A new situation will show you how much you have been able to handle previous situations in an empowering way.
- If you want to handle the new situations better, remember you have to face your fears.
- In order to face your fears, you must write down everything that you fear might happen to you as a result of being in this new situation and start with facing the easiest one first.
- Note you will feel overwhelmed if you are reacting unconsciously to what is going on around you, and you are not consciously deciding how you want to make yourself feel, it all happens at an unconscious level.
The easiest way to stay conscious, therefore feeling more comfortable in a new situation, is to consciously make yourself acknowledge that you are creating how you feel.
Once you do that and ask yourself the question that I mentioned earlier, you will start to feel empowered even if only a little, to handle the situation better.
For instance, let’s say that whenever you’re in a new situation, you automatically feel that you don’t fit in. This is common not only for people with social anxiety but for people without it. If this is happening to you and has happened to you before, stop yourself going down your usual path of anxiety and ask yourself the questions above, and expect an answer.
Make sure that you don’t do, I repeat you don’t do, what you’ve done before because if you’re leaving a situation because you were not able to handle it before then. You will repeat exactly the same experience because you have not learned, yet, that you need to do something different to get a different result.
Repetition is the mother of skill
In order to feel more comfortable, if you’ve never felt comfortable before, you must follow the questions that I’ve outlined above. I know I have repeated this a few times but as simple as this may seem, what you’re reading this article can be one of the most difficult steps for someone with social anxiety to take. Because it requires that you consciously take control when you’ve unconsciously felt out of control.
So to repeat take conscious control of how you want to feel.
Why it may feel as if you’re out of control?
Remember you control how you feel in every single situation and the only reason it may feel that you aren’t in control is that. It has developed into such a habit that it automatically and unconsciously triggers you to feel triggered to feel fearful, apprehensive, anxious, paranoid or whatever else you’d usually feel.
But if you ask and answer the questions above, you will change that.
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